bella had this protective numb shell around her after edward left.
maybe i should follow her and have it with me too.
or rather, maybe i already have this protective shell of numbness around me.
and it is kind of true.
i dont really find things around me that amusing anymore.
yes sometimes when i laugh its just pretence.
and no, i dont laugh as much as i do in class outside lessons.
when the whole world is revealing their emotions, im not.
i face everyday with this 'let it be' attitude, and let life continue on its own.
of course i still feel sad, happy, funny, whatever.
just that, sometimes i feel like im distancing away from people.
weird. i thought i always liked to be in a group.
i get easily pissed when i talk to people these days.
i always feel like shouting, screaming, whatever to get my frustrations off.
i keep quiet all of a sudden, and someone will come up and say 'hey you emo again?'
bella had it after edward left.
maybe something of me left, and i didnt know it.
or maybe something did leave, just not the literal meaning of leave.
left, in a sense, that means leaving me although physically, its still there.
i thank all the people who tried to cheer me up, to keep me smiling.
i appreciate it, honestly.
but some things, i cant stop myself from thinking.
i think too much nowadays.
but i cant stop.
like an irritating pop-up ad, it keeps popping up in my mind.
which is why i love distractions so much.
probably the reason why i did indices so crazily (and happily) in class on fri.
so i guess thats the way i am now.
i know my mum and dad are pissed, they hate it when i reply them with no emotions.
but they dont and wont understand what im going through.
this horrendous feeling, they wont know and i wont let them know.
in fact, no one really knows.