confiding is good, confessions are good.

it makes people feel better, seriously.

some uncertainties are cleared up.

some just got more complicated.

i learnt stuff i never knew.

and i dont know if i should believe them, or just accept it.

im terribly sorry for all the things i did, all the good moments ruined because of me or my presence, i never meant for things to be like that. i feel so bad, so guilty.

so selfish, so stupid.

everyone had lots of confessions to make, im happy because i got my chance.

and that really made me feel better.

thanks em. for all the advice.

for being there for me.

letting me know you understand and im not alone. 

thanks liying, too. and all the people who really cared for me.

so i'll change.

or i'll try to, at least.

i know i probably wont forget,

but i'll try to accept.

its been a joy being with my close cousins these days. 

watching movies, dinners. 

maybe because im growing older, i can understand what they're usually talking about. but that doesnt stop the fact that they're still 5 years older than me.

my mum, dad and i almost got drunk just now.

and we went really high. 

that was cool. 

and im thinking, if i really get drunk, i'll probably spill out my deepest, darkest secret in front of my family. and that sucks. 

somehow i havent typed about all these, my usual life, in a long time. 

i feel weird.