im tired.
im tired of being alone, having to plan what to do after school everyday, when practically everyone else have something wothwhile on, im tired of being in the dark, not knowing what's tomorrow, im tired of living day just by a day. i want expectation, surprises, but i cant expect more anymore, more than anything.
because its associated with disappointment.
and right now, i dont think i can take alot of that.
im tired of being the irritating person that everyone hates, the one that keeps buzzing around. alhough they say they do not mind my presence, i still felt bad. im tired of being annoying, butting into other people's worlds just like that.
i never meant to, sorry.
im tired of being the outcast, the one standing by the side surrounded by people making their own conversations and all i can do is stand down there and stone.
i've never been like that before.
and it sucks.
which is why i love guides.
because only during those days that i felt i have my circle of friends to be with.
when im accepted.
the staying back after jihes.
and of course, those times with dearest 2c people.
but only then.
i want, but i cant.
and what if it's reality?